kimee
Had there time - too old?
Monday, 8 February 2010 1:07 A GMT-05
So my Dad was watching the Super Bowl tonight & when the Who came on he didn't like the performance. He said "They are too old. They had their day, they shouldn't be on the stage any more". This hit me.
I mean I didn't especially like what I heard, but I give them credit for still having "it". So what is this "it"? My Dad doesn't seem to have it :( This doesn't help that the one time we see Men Of a Certain Age, the father of Ray is in a retirement home & doesn't want to do anything. I don't know how to motivate him to do something. :(
I mean I didn't especially like what I heard, but I give them credit for still having "it". So what is this "it"? My Dad doesn't seem to have it :( This doesn't help that the one time we see Men Of a Certain Age, the father of Ray is in a retirement home & doesn't want to do anything. I don't know how to motivate him to do something. :(
Flu: Could be worse
Tuesday, 2 February 2010 10:31 P GMT-05
I am reminded when whining about how sick I am that it could be worse. How dare they, I know! :) I mean I am wiped out sick, but it could be a lot worse. There are points like right now that it seems like I am actually better & I might just beat this thing. Then there are times like this morning that I didn't think I would make it through the morning.
But it could be worse. I don't have the coughing, or the stomach bug that normally comes with a huge cold. I have the runny nose that will not stop, my nose is red & chafed. I am also very achy, dizzy & starving. I litterally can not eat enough food. The last time I was this sick was Superbowl weekend 2007, huh, like clockwork :(
I'm glad that (A) is not showing any signs of getting sick at all. Which is a relief but also cause for concern. I mean if I was sick then, which I was clearly starting the runny nose then, why isn't he sick? Perhaps it is not viral? I'm thinking Mono. The "kissing" disease :) Which may well be how I got it. I am not sure. I am certainly exhausted beyond words. It just aggravates me that the one time I stop & enjoy myself, put all my responsibilities away for a day, this happens. It's like I am moving sooo fast & when I stop, like a cartoon, all the stuff that has been trying to get me suddenly collides with me & I am toast. But it could be worse... :(
But it could be worse. I don't have the coughing, or the stomach bug that normally comes with a huge cold. I have the runny nose that will not stop, my nose is red & chafed. I am also very achy, dizzy & starving. I litterally can not eat enough food. The last time I was this sick was Superbowl weekend 2007, huh, like clockwork :(
I'm glad that (A) is not showing any signs of getting sick at all. Which is a relief but also cause for concern. I mean if I was sick then, which I was clearly starting the runny nose then, why isn't he sick? Perhaps it is not viral? I'm thinking Mono. The "kissing" disease :) Which may well be how I got it. I am not sure. I am certainly exhausted beyond words. It just aggravates me that the one time I stop & enjoy myself, put all my responsibilities away for a day, this happens. It's like I am moving sooo fast & when I stop, like a cartoon, all the stuff that has been trying to get me suddenly collides with me & I am toast. But it could be worse... :(
Flu of 2010
Tuesday, 2 February 2010 12:49 A GMT-05
OMG I am sick. Very very very sick :( It's interesting how I got so sick but (A) did not get sick at all. At first it just started as a runny nose in only one nostril (weird I know) then it became my entire head was filling. I have a sore throat but no cough, not yet at least. I have never felt this sick since the last Flu I had back in 2007 in February. That is when (SS) delivered ginger ale during the Super Bowl. Tonight he was kind enough to deliver ice cream. My parents & everyone who is not blind can see that he likes me, no one does that for someone. But anyways. Time has been such a blur. I'm sleeping for 12 hours or for 2. I hate being sick & unfortunately I feel like it has just begun.
I'd make a damn good wife
Sunday, 24 January 2010 8:00 P GMT-05
Seriously. Today I did laundry (way too many loads), food shopping (BJs & Market Basket), cleaned & changed sheets. The only thing I do not do at the moment is cook. I don't have a lot of experience cooking, which I need to change. Mom cooks. She needs to do something, that is what she does. But I think I am going to cook at least one thing a week. Tomorrow I am actually making calzone. Just waiting for the dough to unthaw & rise.
I’m feeling more alone, than I ever have before
Sunday, 24 January 2010 1:16 P GMT-05
Where to start. Well first of all I didn't realize it was Sunday. So now I am in OMG Panic Mode. But then again when am I not in OMG Panic Mode. Good Point.
This week is going to be my first full week of the year. I haven't had a full week at work in about 4 weeks :) Last week was of course Arisia. Oh what times. Everyone noticed my new smile. And this year felt comfortable, like I really belonged there. Other Arisias I didn't know very many people & people were cold. It could be my perception or it could very well be I am freaking gorgeous now that I have my smile back :) Joking.
So its been a week. The lyrics to "Brick" come to mind. I'm feeling more alone, than I ever have before. So it's been a sad week, which is why I pack in more than is humanly possible. I try to justify things, but you know what, you never know why someone did something or why they didn't. You just have to take everything into consideration as the big picture & just wait.
This week is going to be my first full week of the year. I haven't had a full week at work in about 4 weeks :) Last week was of course Arisia. Oh what times. Everyone noticed my new smile. And this year felt comfortable, like I really belonged there. Other Arisias I didn't know very many people & people were cold. It could be my perception or it could very well be I am freaking gorgeous now that I have my smile back :) Joking.
So its been a week. The lyrics to "Brick" come to mind. I'm feeling more alone, than I ever have before. So it's been a sad week, which is why I pack in more than is humanly possible. I try to justify things, but you know what, you never know why someone did something or why they didn't. You just have to take everything into consideration as the big picture & just wait.
New Smile
Monday, 18 January 2010 11:47 P GMT-05
So I have been computerless for a few weeks. I've been online but I have not had the access to blog. So here is an update. On January 4th I completed the final phase of my dental implants. I have an amazing smile. :) It's kinda funny. People in my everyday life that I see everyday didn't even notice or say anything. The people that I don't know well at all, told me that I had an amazing smile & that it was awesome & stuff. Perhaps it is like a mother & their child, you don't realize that they are getting bigger because you are around them all the time but strangers notice. I just thought it was an interesting observation. It didn't hurt, well physically anyways. Financially, well it is an expense that was well worth it.
Computerless, kinda
Saturday, 9 January 2010 8:48 A GMT-05
So my laptop died an untimely death (blue screen of death at boot up). This laptop was bought to get me through school as my beloved laptops power cord was broken. I didn't have the time or money to get it fixed. I frantically called my dear friend (S) when my laptop died. I felt really bad, I hadn't talked to him for a while & I call him when I need him :( In my defense I've been crazy from school, but there isn't much excuse for loosing touch with friends.
Anyways, for the past week now I haven't had a computer. I've had my work computer & my itouch (which I love btw), but it's not the same as a computer. So it's not like we are without computers, or access to online. Mom has a netbook, which is way cool for surfing the net, but I needed to run a program. I had to unbury my desktop, which is where I am now.
This desktop needs to be cleaned bigtime & files need to be backed up. Actually there are TWO desktops at my feet right now & while unburrying the desktops I found my Nokia handheld computer thingie AND my 30 gig video ipod. So no, I am not computerless, not really.
Anyways, for the past week now I haven't had a computer. I've had my work computer & my itouch (which I love btw), but it's not the same as a computer. So it's not like we are without computers, or access to online. Mom has a netbook, which is way cool for surfing the net, but I needed to run a program. I had to unbury my desktop, which is where I am now.
This desktop needs to be cleaned bigtime & files need to be backed up. Actually there are TWO desktops at my feet right now & while unburrying the desktops I found my Nokia handheld computer thingie AND my 30 gig video ipod. So no, I am not computerless, not really.
Today things get better
Monday, 4 January 2010 1:03 A GMT-05
Today, in less than 12 hours (need to go to bed!) I will have all (two) of my top missing teeth back. It's been a long & expensive year. June 10th (it was a Wednesday!) I had dental surgery - 1 extraction (root canal & crown (money out the window!) dentist put too big of a post in & it shattered the root!), 2 implants & 3 bone graphs. Everything thing is healed & tomorrow they are going to do the final phase - screwing in the real teeth. This is a rare photo, but this is what my smile has looked like for the past decade.I've had a partial plate made but I just can't do dentures. You don't realize how much of your speech & taste is attributed to the roof of your mouth until it is blocked. I wore my partial plate for special occasions but it wasn't for me. They say you get used to it, I couldn't. So this is showing you my right side (taken in a mirror). What you don't see is the other tooth that is missing. Going left, I have 4 teeth (2 front ones & then 2 others) then I am missing another one. That one you can't really tell unless I really smile. But I know.
What's annoying is when people say, "Oh I never noticed that before" How can you not notice the whole in my head? Even though people say thye don't notice, I am sure they do. I've become the person I am today because of not having these teeth. I've learned who I am & that it really is what is on the inside that counts, the people who look past the outside is worth it. But still the outside is what makes the first impression. I've been denied some opportunities along the way because of this I am sure. No longer!
I know the whole history of this missing tooth. It began way back in elementary school when we used to stick straws around the tooth & sip soda. Soda is evil. I got a root canal & a post/crown before High School. Then I stupidly got fangs made. The material stuck to the crown & it was very scary removing them. That started the fracture of my root. Then I was in a computer class at Northeastern in front of the room giving a presentation when I opened my mouth, my tooth (err crown, still attached to the post) fell right out of my mouth. Completely unexpectedly. Talk about embarrassment. Yea. The other tooth just needed a root canal but since my luck with root canals was terrible, I decided to save the money & just extract it since it was in the back & you couldn't really see it.
I still have some more dental work to be done, including two more implants (waiting for bone graph to heal) & a consultation since I have some bone/jaw issues (those are on the bottom back). But at least when I smile I will feel better. One less thing that people can judge me on.
More on Statuesque
Saturday, 2 January 2010 11:29 P GMT-05
If you haven't seen Neil Gaiman's short film Statuesque I highly recommend seeing it before it is yanked off of YouTube. It's brilliant. So I've watched it again & noticed more things. More things I can relate to.
Yvette (the goth statue) was actually herself. There was no pretending, she was who she was. When the other statue people went to the bar, they were in their street/normal clothes. Yvette was still Yvette. She never pretended to be anyone she wasn't. Another thing I noticed even before that, all the statues had large containers to collect their donations except Yvette. She had a simple tea cup. Self-confidence!! Did she not believe in herself enough to put out a big pot? Believe me I understand.
I can not believe how powerful this short film is & there are no words spoken. Way back in 2004 I blogged about two powerful short films & reviewed them. Do Geese See God? and Shaft of Light are two other short films like Statuesque, that touches you at your root & leaves you with an unexplainable feeling. It's been a long time (since 2004) that a short film has done that to me. Thank you again Neil!
Yvette (the goth statue) was actually herself. There was no pretending, she was who she was. When the other statue people went to the bar, they were in their street/normal clothes. Yvette was still Yvette. She never pretended to be anyone she wasn't. Another thing I noticed even before that, all the statues had large containers to collect their donations except Yvette. She had a simple tea cup. Self-confidence!! Did she not believe in herself enough to put out a big pot? Believe me I understand.
I can not believe how powerful this short film is & there are no words spoken. Way back in 2004 I blogged about two powerful short films & reviewed them. Do Geese See God? and Shaft of Light are two other short films like Statuesque, that touches you at your root & leaves you with an unexplainable feeling. It's been a long time (since 2004) that a short film has done that to me. Thank you again Neil!
Can saying nothing mean everything?
Saturday, 2 January 2010 12:14 A GMT-05
I haven't blogged about personal stuff lately & when I do it is very cryptic, mainly because it is private as it should be. I give people initials, most of the time they don't even match their real names like (SS) or (TCGAW) or (J:LNG). Although I am just re-reading an old post from 2007 & I have no idea who these initals stand for :(
So my point... my point is (SS) called & we talked. We talked longer tonight than we have since we met, almost an hour. We talked about stuff, but we didn't discuss that. Which is a little odd. You would think that reading it would stir up some type of reaction. Oh shit, I need to fix this, or Hey I never knew. Confessing love for someone isn't something I do every day (unless of course I am talking about Neil Gaiman or Kevin Smith) :) But we didn't talk about that. I didn't bring it up. The ball is in his court. (R) & (J) think I should casually bring it up "Hey did you get a chance to look at that", but to me that is saying "Right here, this is where you should put the sword".
No doubt it should be talked about, I just don't want to be the one to bring it up. The ball is in his court. I'm thinking that he didn't mention it & we talked like old buddies so perhaps that's my answer? I'm used to not having closure (that is why I am such a basket case) We'll see. I don't want to read anything into it either but the fact that he called & we talked for longer than we ever have on the phone... I don't know. What I do know is that we are still friends regardless & I can live with that.
So my point... my point is (SS) called & we talked. We talked longer tonight than we have since we met, almost an hour. We talked about stuff, but we didn't discuss that. Which is a little odd. You would think that reading it would stir up some type of reaction. Oh shit, I need to fix this, or Hey I never knew. Confessing love for someone isn't something I do every day (unless of course I am talking about Neil Gaiman or Kevin Smith) :) But we didn't talk about that. I didn't bring it up. The ball is in his court. (R) & (J) think I should casually bring it up "Hey did you get a chance to look at that", but to me that is saying "Right here, this is where you should put the sword".
No doubt it should be talked about, I just don't want to be the one to bring it up. The ball is in his court. I'm thinking that he didn't mention it & we talked like old buddies so perhaps that's my answer? I'm used to not having closure (that is why I am such a basket case) We'll see. I don't want to read anything into it either but the fact that he called & we talked for longer than we ever have on the phone... I don't know. What I do know is that we are still friends regardless & I can live with that.
Life imitates art
Friday, 1 January 2010 12:32 A GMT-05
This is going to be all multi-parted & cryptic but I will try not to be... Very funny how life imitates art. Where to begin, where to begin... Little back story first as to bore you but yet not confuse you, or just spill it & leave you confused?? Well then...
I've been freaking out all week that Neil Gaiman was coming to Boston & how I could meet him. Meeting Neil is a goal of mine for the 101 things to do in 1001 days. A co-worker asked who I loved more Kevin Smith or Neil Gaiman (which is funny because they were Tweeting with each other today!). I had to think about that for a moment. The answer was undeniably Neil. If only he was here for a couple more weeks for Arisia. I think he would really enjoy that. Anyways....
So Neil was in Boston because his girlfriend Amanda Palmer was singing at the Boston Pops & his short film was being played. Well someone posted his movie Statuesque to YouTube & he blogged about it. How cool is that? So I watched it & was sent into tears. I mean wow. Again not having the backstory this means nothing.
New Years Eve I did something that I thought was brilliant. Actually I was in a dead sleep when I dreamt about it & I woke up, fired my computer up & created it in a mere couple of hours. This work of art was a confession of what should have been a no-brainer - my love for (SS). In typical Kimee fashion it was magnificent. It was a 16 page mini-booklet of poetry, our history, etc. I gave it to him later that night, I still haven't heard anything from him. :(
So that happened yesterday. Today I see Statuesque. That statue was shocking at first, a little out of the ordinary, sure, but she was unique. She was colorful & flamboyant, unlike the stark white, phoney statue. The colorful, goth statue showed real emotion. No one even saw her, if they did they treated her like she was invisible, or even worse, like something was wrong with her. I felt her pain. She loved that man, but in the end, she let him go, to be with who he thinks he loves & in the end she winds up being freed.
It was a beautiful story, no spoken words, which made it even more powerful. I would love to know what he was thinking when he put this story together. Well anyways, that's exactly what I did by writing & giving (SS) that little booklet. I ended the year by purging & letting him go, if he comes back then it will be amazing. If he doesn't, I believe our friendship will endure, just as my friendship is almost 20 years strong, even after that wet, sloppy kiss way back when with (J). I am free & I will be just fine. Thank you Neil for affirming what I had already knew.
I've been freaking out all week that Neil Gaiman was coming to Boston & how I could meet him. Meeting Neil is a goal of mine for the 101 things to do in 1001 days. A co-worker asked who I loved more Kevin Smith or Neil Gaiman (which is funny because they were Tweeting with each other today!). I had to think about that for a moment. The answer was undeniably Neil. If only he was here for a couple more weeks for Arisia. I think he would really enjoy that. Anyways....
So Neil was in Boston because his girlfriend Amanda Palmer was singing at the Boston Pops & his short film was being played. Well someone posted his movie Statuesque to YouTube & he blogged about it. How cool is that? So I watched it & was sent into tears. I mean wow. Again not having the backstory this means nothing.
New Years Eve I did something that I thought was brilliant. Actually I was in a dead sleep when I dreamt about it & I woke up, fired my computer up & created it in a mere couple of hours. This work of art was a confession of what should have been a no-brainer - my love for (SS). In typical Kimee fashion it was magnificent. It was a 16 page mini-booklet of poetry, our history, etc. I gave it to him later that night, I still haven't heard anything from him. :(
So that happened yesterday. Today I see Statuesque. That statue was shocking at first, a little out of the ordinary, sure, but she was unique. She was colorful & flamboyant, unlike the stark white, phoney statue. The colorful, goth statue showed real emotion. No one even saw her, if they did they treated her like she was invisible, or even worse, like something was wrong with her. I felt her pain. She loved that man, but in the end, she let him go, to be with who he thinks he loves & in the end she winds up being freed.
It was a beautiful story, no spoken words, which made it even more powerful. I would love to know what he was thinking when he put this story together. Well anyways, that's exactly what I did by writing & giving (SS) that little booklet. I ended the year by purging & letting him go, if he comes back then it will be amazing. If he doesn't, I believe our friendship will endure, just as my friendship is almost 20 years strong, even after that wet, sloppy kiss way back when with (J). I am free & I will be just fine. Thank you Neil for affirming what I had already knew.
Christmas Angel Reading
Friday, 25 December 2009 12:50 A GMT-05
I decided to break out the Healing with the Angels Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue tonight. I don't use them often but when I do, I am always amazed. I know it's what you need to hear at the moment & it is like horoscopes you can interpret them as you see but I like them anyways.
These are the cards I got in order...
Healing (facing me) - Situation that has caused concern is on the mend. This one actually jumped out of the deck!
Divine Timing (not facing me) - Things happen in a certain order, don't force things.
Celebration (facing me) - Time to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Christmas 2009
Thursday, 24 December 2009 11:15 P GMT-05
Christmas Eve, everyone is asleep. I've been sad all week long, now I am just numb. Next year will be better. It should have been better this year. Mom's upset that we don't have presents. I told her over & over that it is not about the presents. They are spoiled throughout the year. This is just a big comercial day to make people spend money. Today I was in the supermarket & people were grabbing anything. Like gloves & hats. I was thinking if they don't have gloves & hats by now they are in trouble. I am not going to get things just for the sake of getting something.
What I miss the most is family. This is the time of the year that you are supposed to come together. We're together 24/7, there is really just us. I hate that we don't have a close family. We've never had a Christmas at anyone's house & we haven't hosted a Christmas in well over 30 years. I don't know why. Parents have been watching Christmas specials, Frosty, Rudolph, The Grinch, etc & I can't help but think I cheated them out of grandkids. They are supposed to be watching them with their grandkids. :(
I don't have my two front teeth for Christmas but I will have them for Little Christmas. That will be a great start to the new year.
Three nights already
Sunday, 13 December 2009 10:07 P GMT-05
Reiki will be done while falling asleep tonight. Candle lit. I am getting powerful.
Pain worse than fire :(
Sunday, 13 December 2009 2:30 P GMT-05
So my brother is sick. REALLY SICK. Just like the rest of my family, too many things to list. So my brother is in extreme pain. I'm trying to help & figure out how I can do that, so I asked him to describe the pain. I askedif it was a burning or stabbing pain & then he described it. He said it was the worst pain in his entire life. So I asked "worse than a toothache?", he said he would welcome a toothache in every tooth compared to this. He then added he would rather be set on fire than have this pain :(
Parents watching Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer
Sunday, 13 December 2009 12:26 P GMT-05
Last week it was Muppets Christmas, this week it's Rudolph. It makes me sad to see them watching those movies. They are supposed to be watching them with their grandchildren :(
Blog Stats - Has it really been 6 years 102 days?
Saturday, 12 December 2009 7:51 P GMT-05
Some interesting blog stats...
Age of Site - 6 yrs 102 days old
Total Entries - 4,659
Total Comments - 765
Notification List - 6 subscribers
Hit Counter - 448,041 hits since 3 Sep 2003 (195.48 per day)
Second night of Hanukkah
Saturday, 12 December 2009 7:39 P GMT-05
I just spent the last hour doing Reiki & art. I am very proud of my latest work. I lit a yellow virtual candle. I think I like this Hanukkah stuff :)
BOOMDEEYADA
Saturday, 12 December 2009 11:18 A GMT-05
I missed the boat on this internet craze, which is not like me. In my defense, I don't watch much TV & it seems as thought this was last year, when I was insane with school. So I guess this is a Discovery Channel commercial that people made parodies of. Check out the original one first. Then there is the amazing geek version inspired by xkcd.com. Then there is the Pixar version. And more & more & more. I don't know why I am obsessed with this. When I first heard this, I just felt happy! No more than happy, alive. It's weird. I want to tell everyone. And that word, Boom-dee-ah-da!!! Here are the words.
I love the mountains
I love the clear blue skies
I love big bridges
I love when great whites fly
I love the whole world
And all its sights and sounds
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
I love the oceans
I love real dirty things
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world
And all its craziness
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
I love tornadoes
I love arachnids
I love hot magma
I love the giant squids
I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da.
THE WORLD IS JUST AWESOME!!!
I love the mountains
I love the clear blue skies
I love big bridges
I love when great whites fly
I love the whole world
And all its sights and sounds
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
I love the oceans
I love real dirty things
I love to go fast
I love Egyptian kings
I love the whole world
And all its craziness
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
I love tornadoes
I love arachnids
I love hot magma
I love the giant squids
I love the whole world
It's such a brilliant place
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da
Boom-dee-ah-da, boom-dee-ah-da.
THE WORLD IS JUST AWESOME!!!
I got the phone call
Friday, 11 December 2009 11:37 P GMT-05
So I did get the phone call I was looking for. I almost didn't answer the phone. It was almost 3pm on Friday, HELLO. I put that aside & answered. He sounded like hell. First words out of his mouth, "Kimee I am soooo sorry *cough, cough, cough, cough*....." Really bad. He said he has a cold & he was sleeping for the last couple of days, that's why he didn't call sooner. He doesn't feel good & he doesn't want me to get sick. He said he hated to do this but can we reschedule until next week. I said of course. Things work out. Like I mentioned earlier, I really couldn't go this weekend myself.
First night of Hanukkah
Friday, 11 December 2009 11:25 P GMT-05
So tonight is the first night of Hanukkah. I am not religious at all. Perhaps spiritual but not religious. So I like to take holidays & celebrate them MY way :) Meaning no disrespect to any religion of course. I believe people can believe in whatever they like, I also understand traditions but sometimes traditions need a little modification to make things relevant to today or else why bother, you know?
So for 8 days I am going to perform my own little ritual. Hanukkah is also known as the Festival of Lights. Light means soooo many things. Most of you know if I had to choose a religion I would choose the Force. Everything & every part of pur being has it's own light energy. So I lit a virtual candle with the acknowledgment of a truth. I then performed Reiki on myself for 30 minutes. I need to get atuned again, I feel I have lost the power I once had. I don't feel I was fully qualified to begin with.
So for 8 days I am going to perform my own little ritual. Hanukkah is also known as the Festival of Lights. Light means soooo many things. Most of you know if I had to choose a religion I would choose the Force. Everything & every part of pur being has it's own light energy. So I lit a virtual candle with the acknowledgment of a truth. I then performed Reiki on myself for 30 minutes. I need to get atuned again, I feel I have lost the power I once had. I don't feel I was fully qualified to begin with.
Take a stand
Thursday, 10 December 2009 11:38 P GMT-05
I don't even know how to put into words what I need to say. I need to take a stand, to make things happen, not just go with the flow. First of all I am afraid of men. There I said it. I don't trust them. I don't want to come across as a victim, because I am not, but I don't want to be put in situations that I don't want to get out of & can never get into again. Seems pointless & hurtfull.
Lessons learned... Hanging out does not mean going out. He is one of my closest friends. We complete each others sentences & he understands me!! Not an easy task. I love him. I've made it clear, in every way possible except to speak those words. Afraid of rejection? Probably. He is not dumb. He gets it, he just brushes things away & never addresses things. Much like me. Two peas in a pod...... He's found someone else. :(
He talks about her to me. He sounds optimistic & happy. He hasn't sounded happy, well this happy in a while. I can't take this away from him as much as it is killing me. I just hope she can find 100 things about him to love, just as I did. I wonder what he sees in her that he doesn't see in me. That's a cruel game to play to oneself. No one wins. Still it's hard not to wonder. He describes her & I don't hear anything about her. I want him to be happy, but I think he might just be excited at the possibility that someone likes him. Did I mention we are two peas in a pod? He is JUST like me. So I know what might be going through his head. So tomorrow instead of confessing my undying love for him. Instead of telling him that the day is not complete without talking to him, I am going to enable his date with her. Some friend huh? :(
So I just talked about this with (J), what an amazing friend. I can not imagine my life without him. So I haven't been blogging lately as much as I should... I turned my phone on last week & THAT night, (M-PT) calls. We talked for a few minutes & he invited me "down the cape" for the weekend. We made plans that involved "yea that sounds nice. Ok I will call you during the week". Well in a few short minutes, it will be Friday. So when was he going to call me? I have no life experience in this matter, but I am trying to learn. My gut tells me NOT to call, something that I've had a hard time not doing in the past. I feel that I should not be the one to call to verify plans when HE was the one that made the invite. And I feel that if he called me today, that is rude & not enough time. I am not at his becon call.
We flip flopped on the issue of me calling him to cancel as it is too late & make a point that he blew it by not calling. We also talked about fool me once - shame on you, fool me twice - shame on me. I understand that. They have that quote for a reason, I get it but there is also THREE strikes & you are out. I think if everyone stopped talking to one another after two things then no one would be talking. I think yea you messed up, now make up for it. If he doesn't make up to my satisfaction then he's out :) LOL. Right?
So I am not going to call him. If he calls me I am going to cancel & see if he wants to make it up to me. I'm learning. I think :)
Lessons learned... Hanging out does not mean going out. He is one of my closest friends. We complete each others sentences & he understands me!! Not an easy task. I love him. I've made it clear, in every way possible except to speak those words. Afraid of rejection? Probably. He is not dumb. He gets it, he just brushes things away & never addresses things. Much like me. Two peas in a pod...... He's found someone else. :(
He talks about her to me. He sounds optimistic & happy. He hasn't sounded happy, well this happy in a while. I can't take this away from him as much as it is killing me. I just hope she can find 100 things about him to love, just as I did. I wonder what he sees in her that he doesn't see in me. That's a cruel game to play to oneself. No one wins. Still it's hard not to wonder. He describes her & I don't hear anything about her. I want him to be happy, but I think he might just be excited at the possibility that someone likes him. Did I mention we are two peas in a pod? He is JUST like me. So I know what might be going through his head. So tomorrow instead of confessing my undying love for him. Instead of telling him that the day is not complete without talking to him, I am going to enable his date with her. Some friend huh? :(
So I just talked about this with (J), what an amazing friend. I can not imagine my life without him. So I haven't been blogging lately as much as I should... I turned my phone on last week & THAT night, (M-PT) calls. We talked for a few minutes & he invited me "down the cape" for the weekend. We made plans that involved "yea that sounds nice. Ok I will call you during the week". Well in a few short minutes, it will be Friday. So when was he going to call me? I have no life experience in this matter, but I am trying to learn. My gut tells me NOT to call, something that I've had a hard time not doing in the past. I feel that I should not be the one to call to verify plans when HE was the one that made the invite. And I feel that if he called me today, that is rude & not enough time. I am not at his becon call.
We flip flopped on the issue of me calling him to cancel as it is too late & make a point that he blew it by not calling. We also talked about fool me once - shame on you, fool me twice - shame on me. I understand that. They have that quote for a reason, I get it but there is also THREE strikes & you are out. I think if everyone stopped talking to one another after two things then no one would be talking. I think yea you messed up, now make up for it. If he doesn't make up to my satisfaction then he's out :) LOL. Right?
So I am not going to call him. If he calls me I am going to cancel & see if he wants to make it up to me. I'm learning. I think :)
The NEW 101 things to do in 1001 days
Sunday, 29 November 2009 10:22 P GMT-05
I saw this on a friend's Facebook... Today, November 29th (2+9=11), we will be experiencing the rare numerological phenomenon of 11-11-11 for the second time this month. "11" is the Master Number that opens the doors of awareness and opportunity for the energies of Creation at all levels. 2009 (2+0+0+9=11) carries this vibration... throughout the year - now is the time to make the most of it!
What better day to start this than today? So here I go on another 2.5 year journey with 101 things I would like to do. I did this last time but I didn't keep up with it as much as I had wanted to. You can see my attempt here.
So here goes. By the time this 1001 days ends I will be coming up to my 40th birthday. Wow, that's a scary thought.
The ones that I did are bolded.
2 out of 101 in the first day is not so bad :) Join my Facebook 101 things to do in 1001 days.
What better day to start this than today? So here I go on another 2.5 year journey with 101 things I would like to do. I did this last time but I didn't keep up with it as much as I had wanted to. You can see my attempt here.
So here goes. By the time this 1001 days ends I will be coming up to my 40th birthday. Wow, that's a scary thought.
The ones that I did are bolded.
| General 001 - make & upload this list 002 - organize my addresses in one place 003 - create a family calendar of birthdates/anniversaries/addresses 004 - organize postcard collection 005 - make a will 006 - Build a site on every domain I own 007 - Update main website monthly 008 - send out bi-monthly newsletter 009 - complete my Toastmaster Competent Communicator (CC) (3/10) 010 - complete my Toastmaster Competent Leader (CL) (0/10) 011 - become a distinguished Toastmaster club 012 - write business plan 013 - get business cards made 014 - participate in NaBloPoMo at least 3 times (0/3) 015 - post a positive quote at least 30 times (0/30) 016 - send a letter from Day 1 self to day 1001 self 017 - bring my own grocery bags to the grocery store at least once a month (0/32) Relax/Just for Myself 018 - get two top implants 019 - get an image makeover 020 - use a pocketbook 021 - stop biting fingernails 022 - get a professional manicure/pedicure 023 - get a facial 024 - buy a watch & actually wear it 025 - have a candlelight dinner 026 - make a list of 101 things that bring me pleasure 027 - make a list of 101 things that I like about myself 028 - watch 10 sunrises or sunrises (0/10) Travel/Adventurous 029 - drive the entire East Coast 030 - drive cross country 031 - see the grand canyon 032 - see the pacific ocean 033 - renew passport 034 - get a stamp in my passport (maybe even 2) 035 - see a show on Broadway 036 - see a moose 037 - see the Aurora Boreas 038 - see a meteor shower with more than 3 stars 039 - go camping 040 - go to VT with family to see foliage 041 - go snow mobiling 042 - go to a powwow 043 - visit Ecotarium 044 - visit all the Massachusetts Wineries (0/20) 045 - meet Doug Mirabelli 046 - meet Neil Gaiman Creative 047 - complete at least one cross stitching project 048 - release a message in a bottle 049 - make some candles 050 - make/bury a time capsule 051 - use Cricut machine 052 - go to Zentangle training 053 - cook a meal from a cookbook 054 - Wreck the Journal 055 - YouAreBeautiful Project twice a month (0/64) 056 - photograph 1 view in all 4 seasons 057 - paint/draw on a shirt (perhaps Zentangle?) 058 - make an altered book 059 - color every picture in a coloring book | Fun 060 - go tenpin bowling 061 - sing karaoke in public 062 - go apple picking 063 - See a movie at a drive-in 064 - go to the cornfield maze 065 - go to the balloon festival 066 - carve a pumpkin 067 - have a picnic in a park 068 - participate in a scavenger hunt 069 - build a snow man 070 - make my own wine 071 - reconnect with family tree research & hopefully family members 072 - make s'mores over a campfire Volunteer 073 - participate in a Habitat for Humanity Project 074 - put coins in expired parking meters 075 - send a care package to a solider overseas 076 - pay for the person in back of me at the drive-thru x5 (0/5) Finance 077 - save $3/day for 1001 days ($0/$3003) 078 - close one storage unit 079 - don't spend a penny for an entire week 080 - record every penny I spend for a week. Fitness 081 - loose 10 pounds (0/10) 082 - loose 20 pounds more (0/20) 083 - loose 50 pounds more (0/50) 084 - loose 101 pounds in 1001 days - cumilative (0/101) 085 - eat two pieces of fruit a day for one week. (0/14) 086 - take vitamins daily for at least a month (0/30) 087 - join a gym & actually go more than twice a week (0/286) 088 - follow a detox program for 7 days 089 - fast for 24 hours 090 - drink at least 3 glasses of water a day Home Improvement 091 - donate or toss 101 items (0/101) 092 - redo upstairs bathroom 093 - new carpet for dining room 094 - get new cabinets 095 - get dishwasher 096 - get a picnic table Relationships 097 - find someone & be happy 098 - fall in love 099 - cuddle with someone watching a movie Momentum 100 - Inspire at least one other person to start a 101 in 1001 list. 101 - start another 101 in 1001 days |
2 out of 101 in the first day is not so bad :) Join my Facebook 101 things to do in 1001 days.
10pm Sunday night
Sunday, 29 November 2009 10:11 P GMT-05
Same story every Sunday night - completely wide awake & motivated to change the world. Except I can't because I need to go to sleep so I can wake up to go to work :( I have to stay up every Sunday night until 1am for my second job, gotta make sure that everything is ok, if it's not it will be almost 12 hours until I can fix it so I need to stay up & wait.
So I have some laundry to put in the dryer. Then I need to change my sheets & fold some clothes. Tomorrow I go for the second to last part of my dental implants. I get the molds & then they will take them back to the lab to create the new teeth that will fill my smile shortly after the 1st of the year.
So I have some laundry to put in the dryer. Then I need to change my sheets & fold some clothes. Tomorrow I go for the second to last part of my dental implants. I get the molds & then they will take them back to the lab to create the new teeth that will fill my smile shortly after the 1st of the year.
101 things to do in 1001 days
Saturday, 28 November 2009 11:29 P GMT-05
So I started this project a while ago. The 1001 days was up 327 days ago, so almost a year. I think it is time that I start another list. I was not good at keeping up with the list once I finished things so this is a recap of what my list was & what I accomplished. I still have some things that I still have not done that will carry over to this one...
The ones that I did are bolded.
Those last few I could have bold but it's complicated. I did find someone & I was happy. I did fall in love but it isn't love if it don't love back, which I guess I don't know what love is. I did make a new friend, with BOTH of the guys I fell in love with during the last 4 years. Problem being, the first one won't even talk to me now :(
42 out of 101. Not bad. Not great but I might not have done those things if not for this list. I am starting my new list now. We'll see how this one goes.
The ones that I did are bolded.
| General 001 - make & upload this list 002 - organize my addresses in one place 003 - create a family calendar of birthdates/anniversaries/addresses 004 - organize photo albums 005 - organize postcard collection 006 - make a will 007 - get a family portrait done 008 - hold a baby 009 - clean my car 010 - backup computer on regular basis 011 - redo website & update regularly 012 - organize music files Relax/Just for Myself 013 - go to a day spa 014 - complete a tooth whitening program 015 - get all needed dental work done 016 - get a massage 017 - get a makeover 018 - frame a picture of myself I actually like 019 - wear makeup every day for a month 020 - wear PJs all day 021 - stop biting fingernails 022 - learn to accept a compliment graciously 023 - get a professional manicure 024 - get a professional pedicure 025 - get a facial 026 - buy a watch & actually wear it 027 - have a candlelight dinner Travel/Adventurous 028 - drive the entire East Coast 029 - drive cross country 030 - see the grand canyon 031 - see the pacific ocean 032 - swim with dolphins or beluga whales 033 - get another stamp in my passport (maybe even 2) 034 - see a show on Broadway 035 - see the Aurora Boreas 036 - go camping 037 - see fireflies 038 - go to VT with family to see foliage 039 - go snow mobiling 040 - go to Unity Games & spend the night Creative 041 - finish crocheting at least one of the blankets I started 042 - complete at least one cross stitching project 043 - release a message in a bottle 044 - make some candles 045 - take a photograph everyday for a month 046 - enter photoshop/creative contests online 047 - make a mixed CD for someone 048 - clip and organize all the magazine articles I want to keep 049 - create collage from old magazines 050 - do Nanowrimo & get at least 1/2 way finished 051 - make/bury a time capsule | Fun 052 - go tenpin bowling 053 - sing karaoke in public 054 - go apple picking 055 - go skinny dipping 056 - See a movie at a drive-in 057 - go to the cornfield maze 058 - go to the balloon festival 059 - go to an NFL game 060 - carve a pumpkin I picked myself 061 - finish a jigsaw puzzle 062 - have a picnic in a park 063 - participate in a scavenger hunt 064 - feed the ducks 065 - build a snow man 066 - actually find a geocache Volunteer 067 - participate in a Habitat for Humanity Project 068- organize work to do monthly volunteer projects 069 - put coins in expired parking meters 070 - participate in the 2007 Breast Cancer 3Day 071 - give away clothes that I don't wear 072 - send a care package to a solider overseas 073 - take part in the blogathon & actually get to do it. Education 074 - go back to school 075 - get bachelors degree Finance 076 - pay off car 077 - save $20/day for at least 4 months 078 - be debt-free 079 - win more than $10 on a lottery ticket Fitness 080 - loose 101 pounds in 1001 days 081 - take vitamins daily 082 - join a gym & actually go more than twice a week 083 - fast for 24 hours 084 - go a month without drinking soda. 085 - go a month without eating fast food 086 - drink 8 glasses of water a day 087 - wear a 2-piece swimsuit 088 - go for a 30 minute walk every day for a week 089 - do 50 sit-ups a day Food 090 - eat more fruits & vegetables 091 - do a cookie swap 092 - eat something I never ate before 093 - make s'mores over a campfire Home Improvement 094 - get rid of clutter 095 - finish basement Relationships 096 - find someone & be happy 097 - have sex more often 098 - fall in love 099 - make a new friend 100 - cuddle with someone watching a movie 101 - start another 101 in 1001 days |
Those last few I could have bold but it's complicated. I did find someone & I was happy. I did fall in love but it isn't love if it don't love back, which I guess I don't know what love is. I did make a new friend, with BOTH of the guys I fell in love with during the last 4 years. Problem being, the first one won't even talk to me now :(
42 out of 101. Not bad. Not great but I might not have done those things if not for this list. I am starting my new list now. We'll see how this one goes.
Can't sleep, feel tired :(
Saturday, 28 November 2009 5:17 A GMT-05
I can't sleep. I am tired, or is that just lazy? Hey give me some slack it's 4am. I went to bed at 12am. I just feel anxious & I want to do stuff but I don't want to make noise & don't want to get into a big project & ruffle some feathers, so I am stuck feeling axious & figity. :(
Not to mention that there is only 48 more days until the art show. What the hell am I going to do? I need flyers & business cards & oh yea ART!! :) Well I got that, mostly, I just need frames so I can plan & see if I need more.
Not to mention that there is only 48 more days until the art show. What the hell am I going to do? I need flyers & business cards & oh yea ART!! :) Well I got that, mostly, I just need frames so I can plan & see if I need more.
Weight Watchers Week 2
Thursday, 26 November 2009 12:07 P GMT-05
So Blue Cross Blue Sheild reimburses you up to $150 for Weight Watchers a year. So I figured I would try it again. The first week was just weigh ins. I knew what the number was, I've been hovering around that number for years. So this week when I got weighed in I lost 3.4 pounds. That's pretty damn good. Especially since I had my mom's lasagna this week. Plus cake, plus going out to dinner on Sunday.
I did write things down this week. I think that was a big help. I even wrote down the Reese's Tree I had for breakfast one day :) I know terrible thing to eat when your on a diet & even worse knowing I LOST WEIGHT, even though I ate that. But that also shows that I can eat crap & I don't have to deprive myself of the good stuff, but in moderation. So we'll see. It might be weight loss by situation. A loss is a loss & maybe that will inspire me to keep going after the situation clears up. Let's hope so.
I did write things down this week. I think that was a big help. I even wrote down the Reese's Tree I had for breakfast one day :) I know terrible thing to eat when your on a diet & even worse knowing I LOST WEIGHT, even though I ate that. But that also shows that I can eat crap & I don't have to deprive myself of the good stuff, but in moderation. So we'll see. It might be weight loss by situation. A loss is a loss & maybe that will inspire me to keep going after the situation clears up. Let's hope so.
Saw (T) on Sunday
Thursday, 26 November 2009 11:56 A GMT-05
So I sent a mass email out to a bunch of people that was in my address book. (T) was one of them. He responded & wanted to take me out for dinner (after I just finished eating, of course!) I haven't seen him in 5 years. We went out & got dinner (Papa's Bar & Grill, MMmmm). He was blown away & treated me like a Rock Star. It was funny he was like a little fan boy saying "I can't believe I am sitting here with Kimee". Yea I am kind of a big deal :)
So he drove me home & when I logged on I found an email thanking me for the night :) He also emailed me Tuesday to see how my day was. How sweet! Exactly what I want. So what's the problem? Age? Timing? I don't know. We'll see.
So he drove me home & when I logged on I found an email thanking me for the night :) He also emailed me Tuesday to see how my day was. How sweet! Exactly what I want. So what's the problem? Age? Timing? I don't know. We'll see.
I don't blog enough anymore
Thursday, 26 November 2009 11:37 A GMT-05
I used to blog 3-4 times a day, now I am lucky if it is 3-4 times a month :( Why is that? I've been a lot busier & although I am at the computer just as much as before, I don't have the time to blog. When I blog I was mostly trying to figure things out, or vent, or record things that happened. I don't really have a lot going on at the moment. Well maybe just a few... I am going to try really hard to blog more.
(S)'s Mom
Monday, 16 November 2009 12:31 A GMT-05
Tonight I went to an old, old friends mom's wake. It is scarey to think that we are old enough that something like this can happen. I mean, it can happen at any time & it almost happened twice to my dad. I can't even imagine putting myself in her shoes.
It was shocking to me that she asked if my phone number was still ______. I said why yes it was! Granted it's an easy number but she hasn't called that number in over 20 years. You don't know how much you effect someones life, or what impact they have on you. We were really close in High School. (S) kinda replaced (R) in HS. (R) went to a different HS than me.
It was really good seeing her, but not like this. :(
It was shocking to me that she asked if my phone number was still ______. I said why yes it was! Granted it's an easy number but she hasn't called that number in over 20 years. You don't know how much you effect someones life, or what impact they have on you. We were really close in High School. (S) kinda replaced (R) in HS. (R) went to a different HS than me.
It was really good seeing her, but not like this. :(