kimee

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    Have to, Want to, Plan to

    posted Saturday, 19 November 2005
    I try to categorize things & prioritize things so they can be done.  There is a grey line between have to, want to, plan to, need to.  Well I plan most things, so plan to isn't really a category, unless you were talking things I plan vs things that no one tells me about that I have to do.  Then there are things I have to do, like meet Kevin Smith in NJ this weekend & go to work & take people grocery shopping & stuff.  Like how I prioritize things :)  Kevin Smith *melt*  Anyways.  So people might say I don't have to do those either, well except the work part.  But that taking people grocery shopping & the doctors & stuff isn't a have to thing & that other ways can be found.  Kinda true.  Their going to have to be if I am going to be working all these hours.  And then there is the want to do things.  I have soooooo much that I want to do that I never get done because I am too busy trying to be a super hero.

    It's 2:44am right now.  This is/was the plan for today.
    8:00am-8:30am  Juggle cars & deliver truck down the street  NOT PLANNED - HAVE TO
    11am  Leave for NJ.  Spend night in NJ 
    PLANNED TO - WANT TO
    11am-9pm  Play board games with geeks in Peabody  PLANNED TO - WANT TO
    noon-ish  Take Dad to dentist  NOT PLANNED - HAVE TO
    10:30pm-10:30am  Work  PLANNED - HAVE TO  
    Sunday camp out and meet the man of my dreams, Kevin Smith

    When one thing fails I like to have alternatives.  It is impossible to go to NJ this weekend.  I have tried to switch shifts but I can't.  There is no way that I can work 12 hours & then be physically able to drive 5 hours to NJ & then another 5 hours back just in time to go to work for 8 hours.  I just got my paycheck today & I have a negative balance (-$2.45) on my account so I can not cash it for money.  So I do not have gas money anyways.  I didn't check out the bus schedule & see if that was an option because I don't have any money.  So that plan is out the window.

    So my alternative was to geek out & meet new people.  Possibly cute geeks at this game day thing right down the street in Peabody.  It sounded really fun.  However everyone else has other plans for me.  I am borrowing a truck & someone else needs it.  Fine, come get it.  Of course it can't be that easy.  The person borrowing it can't follow simple directions to go less than one block, so instead I have to hand deliver it.  Which is a pain but the truck was hand delivered to me, so I can't complain that much.  So because of that I have to wake up extra early.  Which is fine.  The geek thing doesn't start til 11am.

    But then Dad is having terrible toothaches.  The tooth that they removed like 2 weeks ago.  We joke with him saying he is a hypochondriac cause he is always complaining about something, especially a tooth that hurts but doesn't exist.  But it does.  It looks like there is still a lot left that they didn't take out, unless that is really bad puss or something.  My family are like sharks.  Our teeth just regenerate, it's weird.  Or let me clarify, our back teeth.  I wish my front tooth would regenerate.  So Dad has to go to the doctors/dentist tommorrow.  Which means I will either be cancelling my plans for geeking out or showing up late.  But if you show up late, there are already pre-established games & you are waiting around for a game to end & it just isn't the same as getting there & picking which game to choose, & especially getting the directions.  No one wants to tell the directions twice.

    Then there is work.  The only reason I am not mad that I have to work is I need CASH.  Saturday night I should get at least $100, which would be perfect.  It will give me a chance to get caught up on paperwork too, hopefully if it isn't TOO busy.  But between waking up & going to work there is a lot of vague I don't know what I am doing plans.  This is what kills me day after day.  It's kinda like I am waiting for what's next.  What is going to be thrown at me & how can I make it fit.  I have always had an ability to warp time & space :)  It's just warping it too much takes it's toll.

    So then I tend to doubt my own plans & needs & wants.  Should I go to this game thing?  What else could/SHOULD I be doing if I didn't go there.  There is a lot of things, but truth be told if I don't go & I do stay here I will either be sucked into driving someone somewhere or sleep.  It's like I am just running around looking for direction.  Looking for someone to tell me where to go next.